I don't get it.

Life is just sort of.....going away. My friends are gone, almost all of them. I lost the girl I love, I lost a best friend, I lost a brother, I'm pretty much losing everyone. I've made mistakes, I know, but I always do what I can to fix it, to stay strong, and optimistic. I strayed from God a bit, but I'm trying my best.....Is this some sort of punishment? I just don't get it. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to remain strong, to do the right thing, to be nice, friendly, when all I want to do is just scream, and sleep, for a long time. I'm not doing drugs, and I'm not drinking, I'm trying to make amends to the people I've wronged, and I'm trying to fix tattered relationships, but all that's happening is life is slipping away from me, and I don't know why. I worked so hard for this, so hard to finally be happy. Now I'm trying harder to get it back, and I just don't know what to do, I'm afraid, and I'm hurting, and I'm alone. I just need help....

I'm pretty sure no one is reading my blog anymore anyway, but it still felt nice to finally clear my mind.