Let's give this a try.

I'm doing my best, that's all I can do.
But while I'm white knuckling it,
The world just stops, while time goes on.
I want to scream it from the roof tops,
"I LOVE ______________!"
But circumstances silence me,
For if I speak a word,
Everything will collapse,
Like an avalanche.
I fell in love with a princess,
But apparently I'm not prince charming?
It feels like a strange version of Romeo and Juliet,
Only there are no other Montagues,
So all the hatred the Capulets harver,
Falls on me.
I try.
I bed.
I plead.
I scream.
Please, let me apologize?
Let me do what's right.
Let me get some closure.
Let me heal.
Let me forgive myself.
All the hate of the Capulets can't compare,
To this twisted hatred I hold on myself.
But no one seems to care,
Except the supportive ear,
To which I occasionally vent.
I already lost a friend,
Don't let me lose you.
Don't let me lose myself.
I need you.
I need you.
I need you.
I miss you.
These words fall short,
To anyones interest.
But please God,
If you read this,
Please help me.
I can't stand this anymore,
And I'm all alone.
People say they are here for me,
But really,
What can they do?
I love the support,
But it won't fix anything.
Even if I can't have my princess back,
My darling Giovanna.
At least let this go peacefully,
Have an ending,
Not hang over my head,
And torment me with guilt and loss.
So I say again.
Please help me?
Somebody?
Anybody?
....Please?

Too many memes!

I Am: who I am, and that's all that I am.

I Want: my life back in check.

I Have: a lot to do.

I Wish: for things to work out.

I Hate: nothing, I've stopped hating.

I Fear: losing the people I love.

I Hear: how right I am, and mature I'm being.

I Search: for answers.

I Wonder: if how more I have to learn.

I Regret: losing some people who are close to me.

I Love: my friends.

I Ache: when ever I remember something I miss.

I Usually: try to fix things I messed up.

I Am Not: simple, or complicated.

I Dance: when I feel like it.

I Sing: what I feel like.

I Never: purposely try to hurt someone.

I Rarely: know what the right thing is.

I Am Not Always: as strong as I need/want to be.

I Lose: at video games occasionally.

I Need: to accept people aren't quite as open as me.

I Should: work harder.

I Dream: of a Princess and Pink Lemonade.

Another stolen meme.

I swear, that EVERY meme/blog survey I see. I will do.

I got 79.


Level 1:

( ) Smoked A Cigarette

( ) Smoked A Cigar

( ) Kissed a member of the same sex

(x ) Drank Alcohol (My grandma let me try wine, if that counts.)



SO FAR: 1



Level 2

(x) Are / Been In Love

(x ) Been Dumped

( ) Shoplifted

( ) Been Fired

(x) Been In A Fist Fight



SO FAR: 4



Level 3

(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person

(x) Skipped School

( ) Slept With A Co-worker

( ) Seen Someone / Something Die



SO FAR: 6



Level 4

(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends

( ) Been To Paris

( ) Been To England

( ) Been On A Plane

( ) Thrown Up From Drinking



SO FAR: 7



Level 5

(x) Eaten Sushi

(x) Been Snowboarding

( x ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace/MXit (I plan on it.)

( ) Been in a Mosh Pit



SO FAR: 10



Level 6

( x) Taken Pain Killers (I count tylenol)

(x) Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can't Have

(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By

(x) Made A Snow Angel



SO FAR: 14



Level 7

( ) Had A Tea Party

(x) Flown A Kite

(x) Built A Sand Castle

(x ) Gone Mudding

(x) Played Dress Up (pre school) ... (I always picked the cop, or doctr)



SO FAR:18



Level 8

(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves

(x) Gone Sledding

( x ) Cheated While Playing A Game

(x) Been Lonely

(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School



SO FAR: 23



Level 9

(x) Watched The Sun Set

( ) Felt An Earthquake

(x) Held A Snake



SO FAR: 25



Level 10

(x) Been Tickled

( x) Been Robbed / Vandalized

(x ) Been Cheated On

(x) Been Misunderstood



SO FAR: 29



Level 11

(x) Won A Contest

(x ) Been Suspended From/In School

( x) Had Detention

( x ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident



SO FAR: 33



Level 12

( ) Had / Have Braces

( ) Almost Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night

( ) Danced In The Moonlight



SO FAR: 33



Level 13

(x) Hated The Way You Look

( x ) Witnessed A Crime

( x ) Pole Danced

(x) Questioned Your Heart

(x) Been Obsessed With Post It Notes (OMG POST-IT NOTES <3<3<3)



SO FAR: 38



Level 14

(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud

(x) Been Lost

( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World

( ) Swam In The Ocean

(x) Felt Like You Were Dying



SO FAR: 41



Level 15

( ) Cried Yourself To Sleep

(x) Played Cops And Robbers

( ) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers

( x ) Sang Karaoke

( ) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins



SO FAR: 43



Level 16

(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't

(x) Made Prank Phone Calls

( ) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose

( ) Kissed In The Rain



SO FAR: 45



Level 17

(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus

(x) Watched The Sun Set and/or Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About

(x) Blown Bubbles

(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere



SO FAR: 49



Level 18

( ) Crashed A Party

( x) Have Travelled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People

(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading

(x) Had A Wish Come True



SO FAR: 52



Level 19

( ) Worn Pearls

( ) Jumped Off A Bridge

( ) Swam With Dolphins



SO FAR: 52



Level 20

( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube

( ) Kissed A Fish

(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes

(x) Sat on a roof top



SO FAR: 54



Level 21

(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs

( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel

(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours

(x) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About



SO FAR: 57



Level 22

(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree

(x) Climbed A Tree

( ) Had/Been In A Tree House

( x ) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone



SO FAR: 60



Level 23

( x) Believe In Ghosts

( ) Have/had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes

( ) Streaking

( ) Visited a Jail



SO FAR: 61



Level 24

(x) Played Chicken

( x ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger (Suprisingly)

( ) Broken A Bone (Cracked one)

(x) Been Easily Amused



SO FAR: 64



Level 25

(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later

( ) Made A Porn Movie

( ) Caught A Butterfly

(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried

( x) Cried So Hard You Laughed



SO FAR: 67



Level 26

( x) Mooned/Flashed Someone

( x ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You

(x) Cheated On A Test

(x) Forgotten Someone's Name

( ) French Braided Someones Hair

( x ) Gone Skinny Dipping

( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House (close to it a lot)



SO FAR: 72



Level 27

(x) Rode A Roller Coaster

( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling

( x ) Had A Cavity

( ) Black-Mailed Someone

(x) Been Black Mailed



SO FAR: 75



Level 28

(x) Been Used

(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs

( ) Licked by A Cat

(x) Bitten Someone

(x) Licked Someone



SO FAR: 79



Level 29

( ) Been Shot At/Or At Gunpoint

( ) Had Sex In The Rain

( ) Flattened Someones Tires

( ) Rode Your Bike/Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On

( ) Got R20 Or Less Worth Of Fuel



Total: 79



TOTAL - Re-post this with the title ''I've done ...x out of 129 Stupid Things'' and tag at least 20 people to continue the chain

New school, and a stolen meme.

I like meeting new people.
I like singing.
I like argueing.
I like deep conversations.
I like variety.
I like reading.
I like NIS (Nippon Ichi Software)
I hate how nervous I get when talking to someone new by myself.
I hate close mindedness.
I hate people who abandon friends for 'The person they love'
I hate when people aren't willing to be reasonable.
I hate my allergies.
I hate people who think they know everything.
I hate when people change themselves for one other person.
I hate not knowing what the right decision is.
I love my friends, more than anything.


So, my first day in a new school, was amazing.

Plain and simple.

It's hardly even able to be called school, it doesnt have a school air about it at all. I could go on, and on about it. But I'm not gonna, cause I'm happy, and want to go do stuff.

Anyways, hope your day goes as well as mine!

Youth Group!

It was an awesome time! A little awkward cause we were talking about sex and stuff, but it was still great!

I was fairly out going today, and I'm proud of myself.

I spoke up in small groups, talked with people, made a potentially new friend.

Yay!

I talked to that girl who I thought was familiar.

I asked if I met her before or something, and chatted about it for a bit. I was worried it sounded like some cheap pick up line or something XD

But I never talked to her before, so, I was wrong.

We chatted, and even though I didnt know her before, I do now!

She's pretty cool, we have a lot in common.

Anyways. We mostly talked about deer in small groups, but when we werent, I said something to pitch in some effort now and then. We had ice cream, but I didnt get any. I regret that now.

Then on the way back, we talked about video games, mostly Kingdom Hearts, lol.

I also want to look up ice cream potatoes.

Anyway, my mom is watching a very cheaply done movie right now, and it's painful to watch.

So I'll quickly say that I'm not looking forward to the new school thing tommorow.

I don't even know what I need to bring!

Anyways, cya!

Back to being shackled.

Well, it turns out, I'm not going to a new high school after all. Just to an adult ed place where I know a couple of the students. So much for a new start. I went from one crappy place to another. I feel like I'm trapped again. But oh well, at least I felt free for a few moments. It was nice while it lasted.....That seems to be my life motto lately. Will nothing that makes me happy stick around?

A new horizon.

I'm changing schools, I'm changing schools!

I'm so excited for this!

Scared about the change, and sad that I will miss out on a lot in my old school, but I've wanted to go to a different school for a while, and it's finally happening!

New people, new surroundings, new way to do things. I can leave all my current drama behind me and start fresh!

I will miss my school friends so so much, but I only have one or two that I won't see outside of school, so it's not too bad.

I already have friends in the new school, so I won't be completely lost. I can sit with them and stuff at lunch, if I have lunch with them. I am curious as to how my classes and stuff will work, as well as the lunch.

Gah! There are so many things I want to know! I'm excited! Which is ironic, because school doesnt make me excited.

I feel free, large and in charge, like a new man! This feeling is indescribable!

I probably should feel some negative feelings about this, and I'm sure somewhere inside me there are some. But there's just this overwhelming feeling of.....being lighter, that it drowns out the rest!

This new school better watch out, cause I'm going to take it by storm!!

Sign from God.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I think it's true.

I saw Kara's mom at the dentist, and I froze up. I still want to apologize to them, so this was a shock to me.

I didn't know if it was her or not at first, but there was too much for it to all be a coincidence. Then her phone rang and I KNEW it was her. It freaked me out a lot.
Then I heard a song by Green Day that I know Kara likes, which took my attention away from the drill.

Then, there was a song by some girl, and all I heard was "Don't give up on me." Over and over.

After that, there was a song by a guy singing about how he's going to keep fighting for what he believes in.

Then many songs about love.

It was amazing! I was SMILING during my whole dentist appointment!

If dentist appointments went this well every time, I'd go more often.


Other than that, I decided to take a break from Facebook, until Saturday.
I know it's not that long, but baby steps. I'm working on not being as addicted.
I can do this, I know I can!

In other news, I left my notebook at school, which sucks, because it had some of my new Psyche stuff on it.....

Also, I want to learn to play guitar.

I guess that's it! Bii~

Bring it on life!

I've noticed life is trying to be hard on me lately. A close friend left, took someone I love from me, and possibly having them give up on me. People are avoiding me, not liking the things I do. Making me question my own beliefs, making me lose faith in everything.

Well guess what! I don't care!

Listen to me life, and anyone else who wants to try to make things hard for me!

I am strong, I will keep fighting, I will never break, I will do what's right, and I will care about my friends and loved ones, even if they leave me, and give up on me.

The thoughts you've been putting in my head? Forget about it! I will NOT go back to that, EVER. I made promises to a lot of people.

That apology I owe? I WILL give it.

The people I care about? I still do, and always will.

God? It's shaky, but I WILL believe.

Myself? I will NEVER give up. I am stubborn, and love a challenge.

Morals? I am going to do the right thing no matter what.

The fact that no one reads this anymore? HA! Fine, if they don't want to, they don't have to.

If you don't like this life, then throw ANYthing you want at me, I will face it, I will triumph, I will never back down. I owe it to myself, and everyone not to.

I will become a better person, no matter what you do to me. I will do everything in my power to hold the relationships I have, fix the messes I made, believe in God.

Maybe I won't be happy, but I've spent too much time trying to be happy. It's gotten me this far. But now it's time for me to be stronger.

So life. Screw you, I will do as I please.

You can do what ever you want to me, but I will not go down. I will win, or die trying.

Today.

Today, I'm still alive.
Today, I'm still in love.
Today, I woke up.
Today, I finished Love Stargirl.
Today, I worked extra hard so that I could visit a friend in a different lunch. Today, I made another piece of treasure.
Today, I went to the enchanted place.
Today, I unknowingly destroyed a spiders home.
Today, I meditated for an hour.
Today, I became a part of a spiders new home.
Today, I really took a look at the world around me.
Today, I did not hide my treasure.
Today, I finished Soul Eater.
Today, I listened to lots of sappy music.
Today, I am a better person.
Today, I wrote a post.
Today, is not over.

Post.

Hey people! How ya'll doin'? Did I spell that right....? Ya'll? Oh well.

Not much to report, just been working hard lately. Been under a melancholic optimism. If that makes sense to you. It does to me. Been listening to a lot of sappy music lately. I'M JUST SO EMOTIONAL~! Haha, but really though, the songs are making me feel happy and other fuzzy things that I won't go into to much detail about.

Sorry stalkers ;)

So I'm gonna visit a friend in a different lunch, if I can finish a class in LAD. Then I'll pay 4 zero to hero passes and work through MY lunch to go see her. I hope it works! I've been thinking about whether or not I should tell her first, but I want it to be a suprise.

I want to hear a really good joke......

I had a melted shake, it was so good!

Okay now I'm just saying the first things that come to my mind.....

Anyways, so I've been asking close friends of mine to pray with me about something I'm going to do. Hopefully I can do it soon, I'm nervous, but waiting is just making me anxious.....

Anyway, gonna listen to music now, bii~

Today was fun.

My sister came and we hung out. We went to the mall and talked about stuff on the way. I ran into someone I knew, and about had a heart attack. It was really weird, cause we barely looked at each other, but that brief moment was enough to be like BAM!! I don't think we could have noticed each other more if we were both running and collided into each other. We talked for a bit, and I introduced the person to my sister. Then we parted ways, and I was nervous and twitchy the rest of the time in the mall. My sister said we both looked REALLY freaked out. Which there was good reason for. I was really afraid that I'd have to jump behind a tree to hide at some point. Or end up going into an awkward section in Barnes and Noble to conceal myself. It was random, heart and nerve wracking, and scary. Altough it was very nice for a moment. At first it was warm and fuzzy, then turned hot and stabbing. It was all in all an interesting experience.

Inquiry in the morning.

I always wondered why I do what I do, because despite being able to understand others, I can't understand myself.

I never do my school work anymore, and I keep wondering why.
Is it because I'm afraid of failure, so instead of fighting it, I embrace it?
Is it that I feel I'll fail anyway and just don't try?

Then I also wonder why I want nothing but to have fun and laugh.
Is it just who I am?
Am I not as capable as taking things seriously?

But then I also get hurt and heart broken easily.
Is it because I'm weak?
Is it because I care too much?

But despite that I always try to fix what I ruin.
Is it because I can't stand losing the things in my life?
Is it just my nature?

There's a lot more things, but I can't think of the right questions for them.
I think it's just because I take the phrase "Live for today." Too seriously, because there is no gauruntee for tommorow, or next week, or next year.
So I move fast, have fun, slack off, make people happy, don't act like too big a jack ass, but still a big enough one to have a laugh.


Or maybe it's something else entirely. Who knows? I think no matter how much I study myself, it'll be impossible to fully understand. But I can try.

My first thoughts of the day.

So, I woke up a few minutes before my alarm went off, and the first thing I thought was.
"Heck yeah! I'm so freaking awesome, so fast my alarm can't keep up! Just watch, I'm gonna shut that thing up right as it goes off!"
5 minutes later.
*smack!*
"Shut up alarm clock, you don't DESERVE to wake me up!......Wait.....What?"
And that's when I realized what I was thinking XD

Then in the shower I got to wondering what my 6th sense was. I think it might be that I can read people, either that, or I have a slight sense of the future.

Cause I'm REALLY good at reading people, and treating them respectively the way that makes very little conflict. Or at least help me repair it if conflict is inevitable. Only once has there been someone that was not easy for me to understand, and let's just say that it didnt end as well as I had hoped.

I don't mean read in the way that my sister said she used to, the way I understand how she did it was that she could sense there aura, or spirit, and tell if they are a bad person, or good person. Sort of, that's how I took it anyways.

For me it's just I can tell a lot about the person just through conversation. I can know things about them without them having to say. Although I'd never mention it. I can find an easy path to get them to trust me. Or maybe I'm just good with people, cause like I said, this did fail me on someone I cared about.

Anyway, and the other was slightly tell the future. I can sort of sense if things are going to go well or bad. I always new that 15+ would be difficult for me, but I always jumped to the conclusion it ment I'd do suicide or something. I don't mean difficult like high school, I mean seriously troublesome. Those were not good times. =/

And then one night this summer I absolutely NEW I that I shouldnt have been doing something one night, but I went through with it anyway, and it went badly.

But that could just be chalked up to a gut feeling type deal possibly, but without the gut.

Anyways, and those are my thoughts for the morning. It took longer to type them then think them, lol.

Have a nice day!

1 Are you single? Yep....




2. Are you happy? Not lately no, but I'm trying.



3. Are you bored? Meh.



4. Are you naked? Not anymore.



5. Are you a blonde? Nope.



6. Are you moody? WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT!?!?



7. Are you a lover/hater? Mostly lover.



8. Are you hot/cold? My hands are cold



9. Are you Irish? I think so.....



10. Are you Asian? On the inside.



TEN FACTS.



1. Name: Donald



2. Nicknames: Don, Donny, Plushie, Plush, McDonald, McLovin, Mickey D, Donald Duck, dude, that one guy.



3. Birth mark: I heard I have one on my butt in the shape of a heart, I never really bothered to confirm it.



4. Hair color: Brown


5. Natural hair color: Brown



6. Eye color: Brown



7. Height: 5' 7"



8. Facebook Mood: Not the best.



9. Favorite color: Blue for the most part.



10. One Place to Visit: Heheh....



TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.



1. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes and no.



2. Do you believe in soul mates? Oh yes.



4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally? Many times.



5. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I think so.....



6. Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah =/



7. Have you ever liked someone and not told them? Yep.



8. Are you afraid of commitment? Not really.



9. Who was the last person you hugged? My mom, she hugs me too much XP



10. Who was the last person you kissed? Giovanna.



TEN THIS OR THAT.



1. Love or lust? Love!



3. Cats or dogs? Dogs.



4. A few best friends or many regular friends? Few best friends.



5. Television or internet? Internet.



6. Chinese Or Indian? Chinese.



7. Wild night out or romantic night in? Romantic night in.



8. Money or Happiness? Happiness.



9. Night or day? Night, if you follow the rules....



10. MSN or phone? Phone.



TEN HAVE YOU EVER.



1. Been caught sneaking out? Yeah, a few times.



2. Been skinny dipping? Yep



3. Stolen? If I feel it's not worth anything, and it peeks my interest, then maybe.



4. Bungee jumped? Nope.



5. Lied to someone you liked? Yeah, but I didnt like it.



6. Finished an entire jaw breaker? Yush.



8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? I do right now actually.


9. Cried because you lost a pet? I did when I was younger.



10. Wanted to disappear? I used to, not so much anymore.



TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER.



1. Smile or eyes? Eyes



2. Light or dark hair? Either



3. Hugs or kisses? Depends



4. Shorter or taller? Not picky



5. Intelligence or attraction? At least smart enough to hold a conversation.



6. Romantic or spontaneous? Both!



7. Funny or serious? Depends on the mood.



8. Older or Younger? Doesnt matter.



9. Outgoing or quiet? Both, like me.



10. Sweet or Rebel? A sweet rebel.



TEN HAVE YOU’S.



1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd? No.



2. Ever done drugs? HA! Nope! >=D



3. Ever been pregnant? A few times >.>



5. Ever been on a cheer leading team? Np.



6. Ever Been on a dance team? No.



7. Ever been on a sports team? Used to play hockey.



8. Ever been in a drama play/production? Yeah.



9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley?I own all of them, right now!



10. Ever been in a rap video? I'm in ALL of them...



TEN LASTS.



1. Last phone call you made: I think it was Jason....Or maybe Courtney?



2. Last person you hung out with: Augusta. =)



4. Last time you worked: School >.>



5. Last person you tackled: Ha! Secret.



6. Last person you IM’d: Andrea.


8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with: Jason


9. Last thing you missed: Pink lemonade.


10. Last thing you ate: A granola bar.

I don't get it.

Life is just sort of.....going away. My friends are gone, almost all of them. I lost the girl I love, I lost a best friend, I lost a brother, I'm pretty much losing everyone. I've made mistakes, I know, but I always do what I can to fix it, to stay strong, and optimistic. I strayed from God a bit, but I'm trying my best.....Is this some sort of punishment? I just don't get it. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to remain strong, to do the right thing, to be nice, friendly, when all I want to do is just scream, and sleep, for a long time. I'm not doing drugs, and I'm not drinking, I'm trying to make amends to the people I've wronged, and I'm trying to fix tattered relationships, but all that's happening is life is slipping away from me, and I don't know why. I worked so hard for this, so hard to finally be happy. Now I'm trying harder to get it back, and I just don't know what to do, I'm afraid, and I'm hurting, and I'm alone. I just need help....

I'm pretty sure no one is reading my blog anymore anyway, but it still felt nice to finally clear my mind.

Uncorruptable.

Last night I hung out with my friends, who are major drug addicts, and alcoholics. I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I would have felt bad denying their invitation, so I went with them. I was quiet most of the time, new people, new surroundings. I'm the kind of guy who scopes out a situation first, so that I can later act and behave the way that is appropriate for the situation.

Anyways, so we hung out at Augusta's house (My closer of the two friends) and sat around for a bit, then they ran off and I was stuck with these two guys, both over 21, didn't know anything about them. And we just sat in the quiet. Or at least I did, the other two were at least trying to start up conversation with each other. One of them talked to me for about 5 seconds, but it didnt last long. Lol.

Anyway, so they were drinking, while I watched silently, occasionally theyed offer me a drink, and I'd politely decline.

Then they drove around, while drinking. That made me nervous, since I get a bit antsy in cars as it is. But Tiffany is actually a good driver. Anyway, I didnt die, or get hurt, so all is good. Then we went into Lansing, where there was a car accident, dropped of Augusta's bro, then met some people. Two of them hopped in the car with us, and I was introduced to both of them. About 10 minutes later, Augusta tried to introduce us again, forgetting she did it the first time (She was drunk, lol) Then we dropped them off and were heading back to get me home, but we were still in Lansing when Augusta had to pee. So we pulled over, and she went to an orange cone thing and peed on it. I only know this because she said she wanted to, that, and she seemed to struggle to knock it down.

But yeah, so I got home, then had to go over to Courtneys to show her my hair, which had been straightened the same day. I looked like an anime character. Unfortunetly though, it already started to curl when the pic was taken, so it didnt look the same as when it was first straightened.

Anyways, so I learned that hanging out with people like that isn't bad, it just depends on your perspective, and the type of people they are.

Renewal in faith.

Last night at youht group, we watched To Save A Life again.

I can't think of any words that can describe that movie right. It's amazing, beautiful, awesome (The REAL meaning not the new one.)

It hit me a LOT harder this second (Maybe third) time around, mainly because I went through both Jake and Jonny's sides of the story. It really helped me a lot right now, for what I'm going through, and I really needed that a lot, I didn't even know how much until afterward.

It helped me refind my faith in God, and I am so so grateful for that.

Afterward, or youth pasture gave a speech, and with that added onto the movie, I had to fight hard not to cry! Lol. Thankfully I was sitting next to Rachel, and she held my hand when she saw me, which made me feel better about it.

This movie is very powerful, and can help a lot of people out, if there is someone reading my blog who hasn't seem it, I highly recommend it. It might change you, and help you with your problem.

My attempt at a poem.

All these ashes,
Surround me.
Burning bridges,
All I see.
Isolation,
Unavoidable.
Destruction,
Inceivable.
Wanted peace,
Nevermore.
Total nightmare,
Forevermore.
Strength of mine,
Dissapearing.
Peace of mind,
Dissapearing.
Did it exist?
Maybe.
Can it exist?
Maybe.
Cam I attain it?
Maybe.
Will I enjoy it?
Maybe.
Will it be easy?
Maybe not.

Why can't we just be more honest?

Today was kind of blah. It had it's ups and downs, as usual. I had a lot on my mind though, again as usual. I wonder why we, as people, can't be more open and honest with each other. Why we can't really on others for help. Take advice gracefully, listen to those who care about us. Why can't we be as strong as we think we are, or as strong as we want to be? Why can't we be our absolute selves, without worring what people think? Not worry about what's main stream, and what's not. Fitting in, or shunning anything deemed popular. Why can't people accept themselves for who they are? Why can't people be willing to change themselves? I know that sounds counterdictory, but it's not as opposite as it sounds. People talk about how they don't like a certain part of them, or hear about how someone has a problem with a part of them. They aren't willing to work to change it. I'm not talking superficial, I mean deeper. No one listens anymore, not to strangers, not to peers, not to the people who care about them, not themselves. Listening is a GOOD thing, just the way we take them is often times bad. There are times that yes, people WILL try to hurt you, but if you listen deeper, you can hear their own words protecting them, or turning on them. Deeper then between the lines, but in the very words themselves. People who act strong can in fact be incredibly weak, or vice versa, people who don't seem the care, could care the most, and vice versa. We just need to listen, open our eyes, and look for the truth. But this is hard for a lot of people, they don't have the strength, or don't care.


I don't know where I was going with this, I just needed a good rant.

Anyways, thanks for reading, or not....probably not. Haha.

Good bii!