Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Let's give this a try.

I'm doing my best, that's all I can do.
But while I'm white knuckling it,
The world just stops, while time goes on.
I want to scream it from the roof tops,
"I LOVE ______________!"
But circumstances silence me,
For if I speak a word,
Everything will collapse,
Like an avalanche.
I fell in love with a princess,
But apparently I'm not prince charming?
It feels like a strange version of Romeo and Juliet,
Only there are no other Montagues,
So all the hatred the Capulets harver,
Falls on me.
I try.
I bed.
I plead.
I scream.
Please, let me apologize?
Let me do what's right.
Let me get some closure.
Let me heal.
Let me forgive myself.
All the hate of the Capulets can't compare,
To this twisted hatred I hold on myself.
But no one seems to care,
Except the supportive ear,
To which I occasionally vent.
I already lost a friend,
Don't let me lose you.
Don't let me lose myself.
I need you.
I need you.
I need you.
I miss you.
These words fall short,
To anyones interest.
But please God,
If you read this,
Please help me.
I can't stand this anymore,
And I'm all alone.
People say they are here for me,
But really,
What can they do?
I love the support,
But it won't fix anything.
Even if I can't have my princess back,
My darling Giovanna.
At least let this go peacefully,
Have an ending,
Not hang over my head,
And torment me with guilt and loss.
So I say again.
Please help me?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Too many memes!

I Am: who I am, and that's all that I am.

I Want: my life back in check.

I Have: a lot to do.

I Wish: for things to work out.

I Hate: nothing, I've stopped hating.

I Fear: losing the people I love.

I Hear: how right I am, and mature I'm being.

I Search: for answers.

I Wonder: if how more I have to learn.

I Regret: losing some people who are close to me.

I Love: my friends.

I Ache: when ever I remember something I miss.

I Usually: try to fix things I messed up.

I Am Not: simple, or complicated.

I Dance: when I feel like it.

I Sing: what I feel like.

I Never: purposely try to hurt someone.

I Rarely: know what the right thing is.

I Am Not Always: as strong as I need/want to be.

I Lose: at video games occasionally.

I Need: to accept people aren't quite as open as me.

I Should: work harder.

I Dream: of a Princess and Pink Lemonade.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Another stolen meme.

I swear, that EVERY meme/blog survey I see. I will do.

I got 79.

Level 1:

( ) Smoked A Cigarette

( ) Smoked A Cigar

( ) Kissed a member of the same sex

(x ) Drank Alcohol (My grandma let me try wine, if that counts.)


Level 2

(x) Are / Been In Love

(x ) Been Dumped

( ) Shoplifted

( ) Been Fired

(x) Been In A Fist Fight


Level 3

(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person

(x) Skipped School

( ) Slept With A Co-worker

( ) Seen Someone / Something Die


Level 4

(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends

( ) Been To Paris

( ) Been To England

( ) Been On A Plane

( ) Thrown Up From Drinking


Level 5

(x) Eaten Sushi

(x) Been Snowboarding

( x ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace/MXit (I plan on it.)

( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 10

Level 6

( x) Taken Pain Killers (I count tylenol)

(x) Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can't Have

(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By

(x) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 14

Level 7

( ) Had A Tea Party

(x) Flown A Kite

(x) Built A Sand Castle

(x ) Gone Mudding

(x) Played Dress Up (pre school) ... (I always picked the cop, or doctr)


Level 8

(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves

(x) Gone Sledding

( x ) Cheated While Playing A Game

(x) Been Lonely

(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 23

Level 9

(x) Watched The Sun Set

( ) Felt An Earthquake

(x) Held A Snake

SO FAR: 25

Level 10

(x) Been Tickled

( x) Been Robbed / Vandalized

(x ) Been Cheated On

(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 29

Level 11

(x) Won A Contest

(x ) Been Suspended From/In School

( x) Had Detention

( x ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 33

Level 12

( ) Had / Have Braces

( ) Almost Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night

( ) Danced In The Moonlight

SO FAR: 33

Level 13

(x) Hated The Way You Look

( x ) Witnessed A Crime

( x ) Pole Danced

(x) Questioned Your Heart

(x) Been Obsessed With Post It Notes (OMG POST-IT NOTES <3<3<3)

SO FAR: 38

Level 14

(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud

(x) Been Lost

( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World

( ) Swam In The Ocean

(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 41

Level 15

( ) Cried Yourself To Sleep

(x) Played Cops And Robbers

( ) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers

( x ) Sang Karaoke

( ) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 43

Level 16

(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't

(x) Made Prank Phone Calls

( ) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose

( ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 45

Level 17

(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus

(x) Watched The Sun Set and/or Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About

(x) Blown Bubbles

(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere

SO FAR: 49

Level 18

( ) Crashed A Party

( x) Have Travelled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People

(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading

(x) Had A Wish Come True

SO FAR: 52

Level 19

( ) Worn Pearls

( ) Jumped Off A Bridge

( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 52

Level 20

( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube

( ) Kissed A Fish

(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes

(x) Sat on a roof top

SO FAR: 54

Level 21

(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs

( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel

(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours

(x) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About

SO FAR: 57

Level 22

(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree

(x) Climbed A Tree

( ) Had/Been In A Tree House

( x ) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 60

Level 23

( x) Believe In Ghosts

( ) Have/had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes

( ) Streaking

( ) Visited a Jail

SO FAR: 61

Level 24

(x) Played Chicken

( x ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger (Suprisingly)

( ) Broken A Bone (Cracked one)

(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 64

Level 25

(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later

( ) Made A Porn Movie

( ) Caught A Butterfly

(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried

( x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 67

Level 26

( x) Mooned/Flashed Someone

( x ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You

(x) Cheated On A Test

(x) Forgotten Someone's Name

( ) French Braided Someones Hair

( x ) Gone Skinny Dipping

( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House (close to it a lot)

SO FAR: 72

Level 27

(x) Rode A Roller Coaster

( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling

( x ) Had A Cavity

( ) Black-Mailed Someone

(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 75

Level 28

(x) Been Used

(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs

( ) Licked by A Cat

(x) Bitten Someone

(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 79

Level 29

( ) Been Shot At/Or At Gunpoint

( ) Had Sex In The Rain

( ) Flattened Someones Tires

( ) Rode Your Bike/Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On

( ) Got R20 Or Less Worth Of Fuel

Total: 79

TOTAL - Re-post this with the title ''I've done ...x out of 129 Stupid Things'' and tag at least 20 people to continue the chain

Monday, November 29, 2010

New school, and a stolen meme.

I like meeting new people.
I like singing.
I like argueing.
I like deep conversations.
I like variety.
I like reading.
I like NIS (Nippon Ichi Software)
I hate how nervous I get when talking to someone new by myself.
I hate close mindedness.
I hate people who abandon friends for 'The person they love'
I hate when people aren't willing to be reasonable.
I hate my allergies.
I hate people who think they know everything.
I hate when people change themselves for one other person.
I hate not knowing what the right decision is.
I love my friends, more than anything.

So, my first day in a new school, was amazing.

Plain and simple.

It's hardly even able to be called school, it doesnt have a school air about it at all. I could go on, and on about it. But I'm not gonna, cause I'm happy, and want to go do stuff.

Anyways, hope your day goes as well as mine!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Youth Group!

It was an awesome time! A little awkward cause we were talking about sex and stuff, but it was still great!

I was fairly out going today, and I'm proud of myself.

I spoke up in small groups, talked with people, made a potentially new friend.


I talked to that girl who I thought was familiar.

I asked if I met her before or something, and chatted about it for a bit. I was worried it sounded like some cheap pick up line or something XD

But I never talked to her before, so, I was wrong.

We chatted, and even though I didnt know her before, I do now!

She's pretty cool, we have a lot in common.

Anyways. We mostly talked about deer in small groups, but when we werent, I said something to pitch in some effort now and then. We had ice cream, but I didnt get any. I regret that now.

Then on the way back, we talked about video games, mostly Kingdom Hearts, lol.

I also want to look up ice cream potatoes.

Anyway, my mom is watching a very cheaply done movie right now, and it's painful to watch.

So I'll quickly say that I'm not looking forward to the new school thing tommorow.

I don't even know what I need to bring!

Anyways, cya!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Back to being shackled.

Well, it turns out, I'm not going to a new high school after all. Just to an adult ed place where I know a couple of the students. So much for a new start. I went from one crappy place to another. I feel like I'm trapped again. But oh well, at least I felt free for a few moments. It was nice while it lasted.....That seems to be my life motto lately. Will nothing that makes me happy stick around?

Monday, November 22, 2010

A new horizon.

I'm changing schools, I'm changing schools!

I'm so excited for this!

Scared about the change, and sad that I will miss out on a lot in my old school, but I've wanted to go to a different school for a while, and it's finally happening!

New people, new surroundings, new way to do things. I can leave all my current drama behind me and start fresh!

I will miss my school friends so so much, but I only have one or two that I won't see outside of school, so it's not too bad.

I already have friends in the new school, so I won't be completely lost. I can sit with them and stuff at lunch, if I have lunch with them. I am curious as to how my classes and stuff will work, as well as the lunch.

Gah! There are so many things I want to know! I'm excited! Which is ironic, because school doesnt make me excited.

I feel free, large and in charge, like a new man! This feeling is indescribable!

I probably should feel some negative feelings about this, and I'm sure somewhere inside me there are some. But there's just this overwhelming feeling of.....being lighter, that it drowns out the rest!

This new school better watch out, cause I'm going to take it by storm!!