Inquiry in the morning.

I always wondered why I do what I do, because despite being able to understand others, I can't understand myself.

I never do my school work anymore, and I keep wondering why.
Is it because I'm afraid of failure, so instead of fighting it, I embrace it?
Is it that I feel I'll fail anyway and just don't try?

Then I also wonder why I want nothing but to have fun and laugh.
Is it just who I am?
Am I not as capable as taking things seriously?

But then I also get hurt and heart broken easily.
Is it because I'm weak?
Is it because I care too much?

But despite that I always try to fix what I ruin.
Is it because I can't stand losing the things in my life?
Is it just my nature?

There's a lot more things, but I can't think of the right questions for them.
I think it's just because I take the phrase "Live for today." Too seriously, because there is no gauruntee for tommorow, or next week, or next year.
So I move fast, have fun, slack off, make people happy, don't act like too big a jack ass, but still a big enough one to have a laugh.


Or maybe it's something else entirely. Who knows? I think no matter how much I study myself, it'll be impossible to fully understand. But I can try.